As we left the NICU the other day I asked Adam what he had to do tomorrow. He replies with “Nothing…it’s Saturday”. I said “Man! I can’t keep up with which day is which”. And he said “You don’t have to, you don’t have to work…you get to hold babies all day”. While that is such a true statement…and as easy and fun as it sounds…it’s actually a challenging “job”.
I know I previously blogged about how could one love this many babies at once… but just as if you had only one child and loved them unconditionally….it’s crazy to say …I instantly LOVE all additional FIVE babies and I don’t love one more than the other. It actually is an equal love, and unconditional love. When I look into the eyes of one baby or when one baby squeezes my finger, it melts my heart just as much from one baby to another.
Yesterday I was holding Hazel Grace skin to skin for the first time and the whole time she was wide awake. I had never seen her so alert for so long. She literally would just look around and then her eyes would lock on mine…it was such a special moment…a moment of peace, joy and love. How can something so small melt my heart so quick. My eyes started to water and I felt that she could “see” me for the first time…that she just knew I was HER Mommy. This time with my Hazel was so special….I was just lost in her big ‘ol eyes and thanked God for that little moment. Time passes by so quickly in the NICU and though I could sit there and hold my Hazel Grace for hours, I realize I have other babies to show my love to.
Hazel weighs 2lbs 5oz.
I have to pump every few hours (gotta feed these quinties ♥) so I was over by Riley Paige’s bed doing so. Just sitting next to her as I pump, watching her sleep all cozy and wrapped up in her bed (which she usually hates…she wants to be wild and spread out, lol)…I was just holding her little finger and talking to her. She didn’t even have to move or do anything but I just didn’t want her to let go of my finger. I once again could just sit here all day doing this….but wait…still 3 more babies to see.
Riley weights 2 lbs 5oz.
Olivia is our “big girl”…she is the biggest and it’s crazy what a few ounce difference feels like on a preemie. She looks like she has “rolls” compared to the others. She is so beautiful! Nurse Anna gave her a new bed and she loves it….I mean, I would even love it..its looks so cozy! She is kind of stubborn which makes me laugh. Might be a little like me 😉 For example, when it’s time to clean her mouth (brush her gums) she hates it…she will hold her mouth closed so tight it’s hilarious. She is like me and doesn’t want to be touched…hahaha… however she loves to be held. I could hold her all day!!! But you know what…then another hour goes by, once again, and….still more princesses to see.
Olivia weighs 2lb 9oz.
My sweet Parker Kate. So beautiful and peaceful…so chill and precious. She loves to give smiles and loves to be talked to. We all think she is the calm one, the one who will tell Daddy all the secrets about the other girls …. but as quite as she is…she may actually be the ‘bad one’ , lol. You may think she is not listening but all those smiles she gives….I know she hears me. Nothing more precious then baby smiles and baby feet! Love her so much! ….. One more baby to visit.
Parker Kate is 2lb 9oz.
Then there is my Ava Lane. This poor little one has had a few no good days lately. She came down with an infections and they had to take her PIC line out. It broke my heart a few nights leaving her. It’s so hard not being able to be with her while she isn’t feeling well. She wants her Mommy and I just can’t stay up there all day and night. She wanted to just hold my finger so tight and hold her paci for her….and the second I would think she was ok and let go, she would scream until I held her hand again. Breaks my heart…I have heard them all cry a bit but this little one can get mad… but I know she wasn’t feeling well and it’s been hard to leave her side. Now that we know what infection she has, she needed to get isolated. So she is no longer next to her sisters and has moved into her own “fancy room”. Last night it was hard seeing her “away” from the others. But she seems so much better!! The whole time we were with her, she just laughed and smiled so much….made me cry. I feel like she was telling me “I’ll be ok Mommy….I just wanted my own room” lol…prob the only time she will have her own room…sharing with her sisters the rest of her lift hahaha. Part of me wants to go straight and visit her first because she isn’t feeling well but we now have to visit her last and on our way out so less chance of spreading infections. Love my Ava Lane!
Ava weighs 2lbs 7oz.
It is still so hard to leave the NICU everyday. Why does time go by so fast when I’m in there?? I want to stay there all day and night but …I still have ONE MORE baby girl to love on and that’s my Blayke.
Blayke has been doing really well with all this. She was able to visit her sisters for quit a while on Saturday and when sibling visiting hours were over….she cried..she did not want to leave…she wants her sisters to come home. Broke my heart. Blayke finished coloring all the girls names to put on their bed and also a few pictures for … of course Hazel Grace (apparently still her favorite) and then one for Ava so she would feel better. She is such great big sister!
We are trying to get in a routine but it’s pretty hard. I am the “Split Momma”…the Momma who loves all 6 of her babies so much…that I have to split my time with each of them just to make sure everyone knows how much I love them. I can’t wait to have all my babies together at home so I can feel less split. It will be way crazy in the Busby household when we are finally all together, but I wouldn’t ask for anything more…I just want all 8 of us together!!
Today: I pray God shines his power through my sweet babies in the NICU. That He shows all the nurses and doctors how powerful He is and how He is in control. I pray for my sweet Ava Lane that this infection leaves her body, that we get negative cultures back, that her medicine helps, and that she continues to take her feedings well. I pray for my other 4 babies that they continue to rock! Please let them continue on this good path, keeping feeds down and continue to breathe with just room air on their bubble cpap. I pray for my Blayke that she gets enough Mommy time and that she continues to understand more and more about her sisters and love them even though they are not at home with us. I pray for my Buzz as he gets back in the routine of working…managing work schedule along with visiting babies and spending time with me and Blayke. Thank you Lord for my family! Amen.
XOXO
~D~
