I found time to actually type a blog post while I was pumping….multitasking Mommy! There was no way possible this post could have been done as a video. You wouldn’t have been understand any words coming out of my mouth because the amount of tears I have shed.
Today…how do I begin to put into words. It’s been pretty crazy and…emotional.
All this media coverage the last few days has been overwhelming. Feels strange seeing ourselves on TV. I have been up since 3:00am and the day seems like it’s already gone by but it’s not even lunch time yet.
What’s on my mind and heart so much is the fact that it’s officially “go home day”. Packing up my “hotel room” (my hospital room the last 5-6 weeks) is hard. The day is here…. the day we go home. Part of me is so excited to be home because I miss my Blayke and I can’t wait to sleep in my bed. But leaving 5 babies behind at the hospital is SO HARD! I feel broken…torn…part of my life is getting left here and now I have to really “come visit” my little angels….no more just walking down the hall anytime I want to go look at them, talk to them, touch their precious little fingers and toes…
Though this day is hard, it has been SO rewarding. I prayed that I would be able to hold at least one of my baby girls before I went home…and I DID! I prayed that at least ONE baby would be ok enough to hold but God heard my motherly heart crying out to Him and HE let all of our girls feel the loving touch from their Mommy and Daddy. WOW! What an emotional down poor. It has been hard not getting to hold my babies…it almost made it seem as if there were not mine. I knew how incredible of a moment it was when I had Blayke and got to hold her in my arms instantly….but this…this just felt so wrong. They went straight to the NICU and have been confined in there since they were delivered. I know this is part of having a preemie but I just wanted them to know I was their Mommy and that I loved them SO much. It was so easy to loose track of time just staring at Blayke when she was a baby…even while she would be sleeping. Now with 5 babies in the NICU, I find myself sitting next to one baby, loosing track of time and then realizing I have 4 more to visit. I love being back there will my little princesses but I also know my big princess needs her Mommy too.
I have cried multiple times today, especially when it was time to take down the pictures of the girls we had posted in my room. I am a pretty strong woman…but this is hard…so HARD! I’m already feeling the emotions of being pulled from one to the other… Being able to provide all my love to each child is challenging. I don’t want any of them to feel left out by any means. I love all of them …all half dozen of them.
My wonderful Love (Buzz) has been right by my side though all my cries, has comforted me with no words needed, and held me so tight till I would stop crying. He is a big part of my heart and means the world to me. Our connection has strengthened so much though this quintuplet journey….and I am thankful for that. YOU … YOU are the MAN Buzz!! ❤️
I pray for strength…strength to get me at least through today. And pray my sweet babies keep doing well and that God will shine through their life as they continue to grow. May God show his power to others though my precious babies.